Malibu Lightning 2008

But . . . do you ever feel like a Fake?

Life presents us with such beautiful challenges.

We start out young. Eager.

“You can do it! You can do ANYTHING!”

(Hopefully we are encouraged by our elders . . . I was :)) Read my Dad’s philosophy on Life and success here: You Can Do ANYTHING! )

So we set out in Life.

We Fake it Til we Make it :))

We search for an interest, a spark.

For something that stands out from all the other options . . .

What on Earth do I want to do???

Sisters and Cousins

(Remember the faces of these little 1950’s kids: What will they grow up to do?)

And how do I make that pay, so that I can live and eat and drive a car and . . . find my true love. And marry.

“Happily Ever After . . . ” Remember?

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Easy vs. Rough

Yet, some sections of what Life dishes us, appear easier than others.

Sometimes the sun seems to shine through every opportunity, like a perpetual Spring. Early morning in July. What could possibly go wrong???

Then the seasonal job ends. The funding dries up. Then comes Summer’s heat. Winter’s cold. Snow. Ice . . .

Some pockets of Life are rough, tough, and downright depressing.

Yet our job is to keep getting back up. Dust off our knee.

Keep learning. Searching. Trying . . .

One day, we’ll get “there”, right?

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Feeling Like a Fake

One of the observations I’ve made over my years, has been a nagging inner doubt — feeling like a fake. A fraud — even after years of schooling; training; success. Even after countless volumes of productive accomplishment.

(Yet I’m not a fake! Honest!!! Even if a small part of me still thinks I need to stomp my foot and glare to get you to believe me:))

One of the things that helped me deal with this, was reading about a very accomplished woman who confessed in her autobiography that she felt the same way.

The gal was a high-falutin Wall Street financial analyst with all kinds of fancy training and university degrees. She had years and years of experience. She was legit and fit for her work as anyone on Earth possibly could be.

Yet she and I shared something in common.

Despite her all training, experience, expertise . . .

Sometimes, she felt like a fake!!!

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Human Foibles

I remember thinking about her description over and over.

It went something like: “I find myself sitting at the conference table with all these men, looking at me, wanting to know what I think. And I look at the pages of graphs, charts, and numbers in front of me, and I think, ‘Why are you looking at me??? What do you think I know???‘”

And I wondered: Is it just women who feel fake in the “Real World”? Or do all humans suffer from this, from time to time.

Maybe it’s a human trait . . . to doubt ourselves.

And I’m human, remember?

So maybe I’m normal after all :))

And maybe I’m not really a fake . . .

And maybe I am really well suited for what I do.

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It Will All Work Out :))

And this has helped me over the years. When I come to an obstacle in my work, in my Life. I tell myself: “I really can get through this. I really can figure this out.”

So I wanted to post this for you younger people out there. Who are struggling.

As a reminder from one who’s gone a similar Life path before.

You’re OK.

Your Life will all work out :))

(See:  Will it All Work Out???)

Be the best person that you can.

Make the very best decisions you know how.

Get back up, dust off your knee when you fall down.

Apologize to those you hurt.

Try, try, try again.

A different approach. A fresh angle . . .

Keep adjusting. Keep trying.

Pray, keep the faith, look up.

And you will get “there”.

The road is long. Hot. Rough.

But you are tough.

And in this Life of yours, you are not a fake.

You are a rich, complex creature. A human!

And you truly can do ANYTHING!!!

(See:  “You Can Do Anything!”, great advice from my Dad.)

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Now look, again, at the family photo of these kids.

Sisters and Cousins

The kids in this photo will go on to have many future accomplishments:

(At least one) self-made multi-millionaire; three pilots; Tom Petty’s recording engineer/co-producer; several accomplished musicians; several entrepreneur-artists; Getty Museum Gallery Instructor; CPA; Speech Pathologist; two horse endurance trail riders/breeders; and a farrier (horseshoer). All successful. Rich in Life’s adventures. How about that!!!

(Grandma would be proud! See: You Gotta Wanna)

Just remember, when you look at what seems like a dumb little kid, you could be looking at the next ________________ (Elvis, Elan, Edison, Einstein :))

Because if we’re human, we can do what humans do.

We can do ANYTHING!!!

Kissing Cousins

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Like what you’ve read here? Visit Dawn’s sister blog: Soul Horse Ride

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…/< >\ …/< >\ …/< >\

Side Saddle (watermark)

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Copyright 2017

Grandfather’s vintage family photos courtesy of Cousin Andy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

27 thoughts on “But . . . do you ever feel like a Fake?”

  1. heartofahorsewoman

    Yes, just talking to a friend about this very human phenomena. We are 70 years old and past the milestone of “becoming” and now more in the state of “being”. Mostly secure in who we are, we still have that doubt. A good thing I think. Keeps us humble. I am a meditation teacher. Someone asked what lineage I speak from. Am I a fake that I come from a “new” lineage”? I question myself. I investigate what brought me to this present identity of “meditation teacher”. On Facebook on our page, Meditation at the Well, I begin to outline the path that has brought me here. And validate myself.

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    1. DawnSeeker Post author

      Wow — thank you for sharing this. It validates what we rarely want to admit to ourselves, let alone another person. Not something we talk about . . . thank you very much. I really thought I was a freak until I read what that fancy lady admitted to . . .

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  2. http://theenglishprofessoratlarge.com

    Hi, Dawn. I’m 90 years old and feel I haven’t even started what I should, might be doing as a contribution to this planet. There are areas of my self that I still need to explore. Often, I have felt like a failure in not vanquishing some of my fears. Sometimes, what I accept in my head does not compute with what I understand in my heart. Ah, the ills that we are heir to!

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    1. DawnSeeker Post author

      Wow! When was your birthday, Patricia? Happy, happy 90!!! What an accomplishment :)) And what an raw and beautiful insight! So it just keeps ticking, that inner doubt of ours :)) Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Acceptance of our human foibles must be part of the art of living . . . even at the seasoned age of 90 :)) Best to you!!!!!

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      1. http://theenglishprofessoratlarge.com

        My birthday was in February, so I’m nearing that half mark. Yes, I believe we keep seeking and growing until our last minute here. Afterwards….who knows? I’m hoping there will be more growth and understanding as we pass on into another dimension. Let me know when you’re in my part of town. I need to sit down and have a good talk with you. Much love.

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  3. Wind Kisses

    I wish their was a love button. So profound; so much wisdom. I have missed you. I am glad you came back with a bang. Loved your dad’s philosophy as well. I just spent a week with my parents in NH, and it was so nice to have real conversations with them. As parents, and our guidance, I think they just want us to be happy. I think our generation is changing that. I believe in never leaving anything unsaid. Nicely written article Dawn. Yes…one of these days I will be in your neck of the woods. Not a phone person. Like the (young in spirit) woman above coffee and BEing is where I am at too. Have a nice weekend.

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    1. DawnSeeker Post author

      Thank you :)) Thank you :)) Thank you :)) = ❤ :)) How fantastic — you are very fortunate to still have parents available to engage in "real conversations" !!! I still hear my Dad's voice, booming in my head, rescuing me from some dilemma — and the last time I saw him was 1970, when I was 16. Mom, too, gone since 1999. Gone, but very, very close — and still loving, guiding, communicating. One of the vast mysteries of Life :)) Let me know when you will be coming my way — there's plenty of coffee at my house :))

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  4. Samantha

    Oh goodness, I feel like a total fraud at times! But I also read somewhere it’s normal, not just for women. I’m not sure where I read it, but I think it was in a psychology magazine. The feeling that we’re faking it is universal, apparently. Although I suspect there’s always exceptions to the rule (I don’t think Trump feels like this, for instance. Then again, I’ve never met him so maybe he does).

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  5. micheleballantyne

    Love the article! Funny, for me, I never look at kids as that dumb little kid; but sometimes I have to look at adults and imagine them as sweet little children to really appreciate them!
    As for feeling like a fraud, I can’t say I have thought that word, but I have at times heard myself talk when I’m teaching a class on felting fiber or something, and observed myself like a curious little kid, wondering if everyone who speaks with authority is really just as inexperienced as I am! I suppose a teacher is simply one step, or a few steps, ahead of a student in any given class.
    I can say that for me, I turned into an observer as a child because I was afraid of doing the wrong thing. I learned to not trust myself but to only trust someone else to know what is the right thing for me. It is amazing how devastating parents can be to children without even realizing. But I suppose that gives us something to overcome in our lives.
    When I was little, I wanted to be a cowboy when I grew up. Being a girl, my mother “guided” me to understand that I could be a cowgirl. I didn’t want to be a cowgirl, though, because in my little girl mind, a cowgirl had to wear red boots, a red skirt, and a red hat. I wanted to wear brown boots, jeans, and a brown hat, and get all dusty, and sing by the campfire while the cows grazed. Again my well meaning mother suggested that that might not be the best thing for a girl to do because it might not be safe.
    As a mother of 9 children, four of them girls, I can understand she was only trying to protect me, but that was the beginning of my not trusting myself or my desires.
    It has taken me until just two years ago, to really trust myself to know what I needed for me. It took me having health issues that forced me to only do things I love to do. My nerves couldn’t take any more stress. I could only do joyful things. I guess you could say my body taught me to trust myself to know what I need. I wrote a funny little blog about “My Very Spoiled Nervous System” that you might enjoy reading.
    It seems like so much of what we do in this physical life is all about overcoming fear and freeing ourselves to live in joy and love.

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    1. DawnSeeker Post author

      Yes! Overcoming fear and freeing ourselves to live in joy and love. That’s the goal :)) And I appreciate your willingness to communicate. Also, my big sister, Karen, has nine kids. I get to fly to a wedding Sunday and will see lots of family :))

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  6. Elouise

    This used to be a huge issue for me. I always called it the imposter syndrome. I’m happy to say it doesn’t bother me now. But it was always in the back of my mind when I became a professor. Definitely a sign, for me, that I needed help. Yes, it afflicts more women than men, but men aren’t immune. I love your family photos! 😊

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      1. Elouise

        Yes! Writing is soooo therapeutic! In some ways it’s about ‘taking back your life.’ At least, that how I experience it. And yes, I love the old photos. It looks like you had/have a LARGE family, too?

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  7. tanjabrittonwriter

    Even if I’m not “young” any longer, Dawn, your words really spoke to me. I think some of us never get over that feeling/self-doubt completely, no matter our trajectory in life, but it’s good to be reminded that it’s human to question oneself.

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    1. DawnSeeker / DawnHoof Post author

      Thank you Tanja — I found it so helpful to realize that I’m not alone in wondering. Even now, I sent a book manuscript off for editing last week, and I just don’t want to go to the effort of justifying my writing. I want to live my life, and live my book. I think it best serves the world by living out the concepts, rather than bicker over the style and wording . . . I love the photos of your outings :)) :)) I would love to take a hike or a horseback ride with you :)) Dawn

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